Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I Had A Dream...


Not exactly the Martin Luther King Jr. version, rather more of the Animal Planet expeditionary type. As a fan and regular viewer, I tune in daily when working in my studio. When the Meerkat Manor series began… I was hooked!

As with much of the exploitive programming we view these days on television (Ghost Hunters, UFO whatever, Paranormal spirits a-go-go), the one show that stands out as reasonably credible (for me) is Destination Truth with Josh Gates.

My dream centered on an expedition in search of the Wolfman; perhaps the Abominable Snowman, I can’t be certain. It was a dream after all, but the inspiration for this minor epic probably began with recent ads for the show.

I had sent a resume to the producers in the hope of landing a job. Several weeks later we were on a plane heading for destination... who knows where?

The following sequences were dark. It was the evening; the air was damp and frigid. The crew was walking in a tight cluster as we stepped cautiously in and about the trees. The only ambient light was that of a full moon obscured by dense forest. Needless to say, everyone was on edge.

Suddenly, Josh motioned to halt! Did anyone else hear that, he asked? For the first time since leaving base camp, we all seemed to be on the same page and scarred shitless!

The sky was pitch black; we were in a foreign country and miles from the nearest town. There were no visible roads in the area and just before leaving... the crew signed a waver rendering the network harmless in the event of our deaths…

The situation was fucking bleak!

Out of nowhere came this thing… It was screaming - growling - spitting, totally pissed-off by our presence. EVERYONE FREAKED!!!

Josh kept repeating... Don’t stop rolling the tape, I want this footage / whatever it takes!

The scene was in slow motion; an assistant was shouting irrationally for her inhaler, indiscernible garbled voices… The next thing I knew, the creature was in my face and its behavior... unacceptable!

The smell of its fishy breath was reminiscent of the open trash cans in New York’s Chinatown on a hot summer night. I could see jutting yellow teeth surrounded by foaming saliva…

This was all a bit unsettling and aesthetically repugnant...

In the next few sequences I was fighting for my life. Everything was now moving very fast. My parker was shredded from swipes of its claws. The voices in the background were now saying, “Don’t hurt the creature – we are trespassing and invading its territory”, whatever you do... don’t hurt it!

What do you mean don’t hurt it? This thing is attempting to rip chunks out my ass! Shortly thereafter, I awoke from the kicking in my sleep.

Believe it or not, nothing about this dream appeared unnatural. Especially when being asked to lie down and die miserably for the sake of television ratings.